Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Reflections of .....

the way life used to be.

Adios 2010

If someone asked me to describe the past year with one word, it would be a piece of cake. It's a no-brainer for me. One word? Ahhh, that's simple. Loss. Loss sums it up perfectly. I could leave it at that, and it would be enough said. The year of Loss, that is what 2010 means to me.

Please don't get me wrong here. I'm not feeling sorry for myself. Welllll, maybe just a bit. OK, no doubt about it, yes I am. I am downright feeling sorry for myself! I'm ok with saying it. I think I am entitled to it, and I'm taking it and running with it, and I expect no one to feel abliged to run with me, it's a solo run and one I must travel alone. I usually will not own that mind set (self-pity), as I have always been capable of realizing that there is always someone else who has it worse off, and I still do know this, but I cannot help but to feel my own pain, my void, the bitterness I feel toward the year 2010! Going into it I had no idea how many family members we would lose. No idea whatsoever. Looking back at it, is hard to believe. We lost 6 family members in 2010, and we don't have a real big family. Yes, loss is the word of the year for our family.

It started in February, with my mom's cousin. He was older, but still so very sad to lose him. He lived right next door to me for many years, and his children were so close with him. I remember thinking at his funeral about what it would be like if it were my mom. How would I ever handle it I thought to myself as we said good bye to this lovely man. My mom was the same age as him. I knew eventually it would be our turn to have to do this. I couldn't have known though that we would be in that very same church saying goodbye just some months down the road.

In August, my dear cousin lost his 27 yr old son to a prescription drug overdose. He (Christopher) laid in a coma for a week, surrounded by loved ones before the family could come to grips with the reality that he was brain dead, and they would have to take him off life support. That was one of the saddest funerals I had ever attended, as seeing this young man in the casket, I could imagine any of our young people in his place, b/c I know the abuse is rampant.

In September my cousin Terri Jo lost her 10 yr battle with cancer. She was my age, and an only child. She leaves behind 2 children and a brand new granddaughter, and her Mother. I cannot imagine.

In October my other cousin's husband passed away just 3 weeks after being diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer. He was such a nice man, so kind, thoughtful and patient. The world lost an upstanding man that day.

Also in October I lost my Mia. My sweet 10 yr old dog. Anyone who knows me knows how I feel about dogs, and how much I love my own. Mia brought us a lot of joy, and I sure was not expecting her to be hear one minute, and gone the next.

My greatest loss though, as so many of you know was my mom, my best friend. Who knew we would lose her this year. She didn't have to die. She fought her pneumonia like a veteran soldier, and yes, she won that battle, but a nasty side effect of any infection can be "Sepsis", and she developed it and as a result it caused her organs to fail, including her heart. Damn that sepsis!!!!!! The hardest thing to come to terms with was to accept that she was not going to get better, and that we needed to stop expecting her to. After weeks of ups and downs, filled with promises of hope and recovery, we had to surrender, the Doctor told us she was dying. I will never forget that day. It was a Sunday. When someone says to you "You look like you lost your best friend", well, there is a reason that phrase is so synonymous w/ sadness, as losing my mom, my BFF has left me saturated with grief. I'm having a hard time shaking it. I miss her, and I want to talk with her, I want to run to her for comfort. I hate 2010.

I know it could be worse. I know this, and I know that there are so many out there who suffer terrible loss, and I do know I should be thankful for what I have, and all the years I had with my Mom, and deep down, I truly am thankful, but for now, the sadness and anger has taken the front seat, and I know it is OK for me to feel this way, it is part of the mourning and the grief and even the healing, and eventually I will accept this and will take it all in and know that loss is part of life, but for now all I can think of is this year, 2010, the year of loss.

The way life used to be is no more. I have to get used to my new life, the life without my Mom. I still want to call her at night after everything is done, and I am winding down. She was like a fine dessert after a good meal, a nice way to end each day. Now I have to look for a new way to wind down my days. 2010 took so much from me. I hope 2011 is better, and I am going to feel optimistic that it will be.

Once the clock strikes 12 on New Years I'm going to be looking eagerly and counting down the days for Spring to come, for new beginnings, and one day, the way life used to be will be a fond memory, and won't hurt so bad to think of it.

Thanks for listening to me lick, ummmm, lap my wounds. They will heal, they are healing now, but it's gonna take time. I am hurting, but it will not last forever.

Come on 2011......I can't wait to greet you with open arms.
I know my BFF would want me to :)

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Wishing you and yours Christmas Cheer :)

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Special gifts from a dear friend!

Some people are just extra thoughtful, and I know many who are and as you can see, one is my good friend Bobbie (Unionstar Primitives/aka The evening Stitcher)!
Just look at this gorgeous Snowman Hooked rug! I absolutely love it, and still can't believe that she took the time to hook it just for me!
She sure caught me by surprise last week when I went over for a visit to make little sheep together, and that was treat enough, as it's always a fun to go to her place, especially during the holidays, as she's got such a knack for decorating, and she's a topnotch host to boot! Anyway.....I sure never expected her to have a gift for me, much less a few, and such generous heartfelt ones at that.
Not only did Bobbie give me the beautiful hand hooked rug, she also had this wonderful book of Daily Inspirational Quotes for me. What thoughtful gifts, and I love and appreciate them.

As if that wasn't enough, she also included a card for my Granddaughter Zoey, w/ a gift card inside. Bobbie leaves no stone unturned and she thinks of everyone.
Thank you Bobbie for a wonderful visit, yummy bread, pastry and coffee, but most of all for being so very thoughtful! I will cherish these gifts forever.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Peace on Earth

Each Holiday Season, I like to offer a "Peace on Earth" Angel.
For this season, I've created this sweet face little gal in soft neutral colors.
She will be available on Simply Primitives tonight.

Thanks so much, and Happy Holidays!

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Missing you today

I think today is the first day I have really grieved for my furry family member. With losing her so suddenly in the midst of my Mom being in Hospice.....and just days before my mom passed away, I believe I truly have not dealt with it. I think I wouldn't let myself feel the sorrow, as the sadness of losing my mom was too great. I haven't understood it, b/c I love Mia so much, and I've known something was just not right with me not crying for her, as I loved my MoMo (just one of the many silly nicknames we had for her)....she was the clown of the bunch. So now I realize I guess it's only right that the numbness would eventually give way to the tears. Today it has, today the numbness is replaced, and I can't seem to stop crying for her. I've spent weeks crying for my mom, on and off, as I think anyone does when they lose someone that means so much to them. But I'm working through the sadness as best i can, and today for the first time since losing my baby, the tears flow for my sweet friend Mia.

I need to post about her, she is deserving.

Mia's story

My daughter found Mia in a bad neighborhood back in 2001. She was just a little pup standing in the street, and when Becky stopped the car and got out to coax Mia out of the street, she wouldn't go, and instead wanted in the car, she was determined she was coming home with Becky. Mia never would take "no" for an answer. It's one of the things I loved about her....she was pushy, but in a fun sorta way.

Nelly loved her, and she and Mia were friends immediatley, and Nelly even let her think she was the "Alpha" doggie.

We couldn't say the words "birdie, kitty cat, or squirrel" without her tilting her head, then going crazy whining and running through the house like a banshee wondering where these creatures were.

Mia lived a nice life, with the freedom to take a nap on our beds, and I cringe to think what her life might have been like had Becky not come along and swooped her off the streets.

I take great comfort in knowing we made a difference for her. She gave back to us tenfold though..... she made us all laugh, and we all felt safe with her here protectecting us. She had a nice deep bark, and alerted us when a stranger would come to the door.

Mia had been receiving treatment for some urine incontinence the past 6 months or so, but other than that was doing well. We could not have known that she had a tumor on her spleen, as it was virtually symptomless until that sad day when we woke up to her not feeling well, and getting sicker by the hour. Upon taking her into the Vets, we would discover it had ruptured that morning making her gravely ill. We had her put to sleep that afternoon.....October 15th. It was all so sudden.

Today, I am missing her, and I bet if Nelly could talk, she would say the same thing.

Run free sweet MoMo.

I will never forget you or the joy and laughter you brought our family.
Thank you.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

New for ebay

Blue Christmas Snowfolk is my newest creation, and he's currently listed on ebay w/ no reserve.
He'll make a great addition to your holiday decor, or the perfect gift for the snowfolk collector in your life.
The auction ends Thursday, and I will ship the day after receiving payment.

Thanks for stopping by, and
Happy Holidays to you and yours~

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Peg-Leg Petites for TDIPT Mercantile

For December I'm offering 2 new pieces from my Peg-Leg Petites Collection. You can find them along with all the other wonderful top notch folk art at TDIPT Mercantile!
Please be sure to browse through all the artists pages, as you'll find only the BEST at TDIPT Mercantile!
Happy Holidays!